Regrets

So this is my very own love story.

I don`t know why I suddenly wanted to post such personal thing here. Maybe I just want to clear my mind for, I do admit, that I think about this at times. And on special occasions, I cry whenever I remember my past.

I do remember na sinabi ko sa mga kaibigan ko na nakaget-over na ako dito, but I, myself is not convinced that it is a hundred percent true. There is always the suddden twitch and flash back of memories whenever I hear his name. Of course, it is not AS painful as before, but a small portion of it is still there, and I believe it will stay in my heart for a little more while. Well, it can`t be helped, nagmahal kasi ako sa unang pagkakataon tapos nagfail.

So what is my story and who is this guy?

Well, here’s the thing, bestfriend ko siya. The first guy bestfriend that I had during that time. Mahiyain kasi ako pagdating sa mga lalaki kaya ayun, siya yung first ko. Whenever I’m with him, I feel so secured and protected, I can also express myself easily unlike when I’m with other guys. So to make things short, komportable ako pagkasama ko siya. He’s sweet in a weird kind of way, and he helps me whenever I have problems. Of course, napapaiyak niya ako minsan, lakas niya kasing mang-asar e, pero nagkakabati din naman kami kagad.

Oo nga pala, first year kami nagkakilala at naging magkaibigan. Pero second year ako nagsimulang…. alam niyo na. Do`n ko lang kasi narealize `yung lahat ng mga pinaggagagawa niya sa akin dati. Basta may isang accident na nangyari no`n na napagpagising sa akin. Hindi ko na ikukwento kasi masyado siyang mahaba.

But the sad thing is, I’ve fallen in love late. Sabi kasi nung friend niya, balak daw niya sana akong ligawan nung first year highschool, pero since may iba akong gusto no`n, hindi na niya tinuloy. And nung nagsecond year naman kami, well, may gusto na siyang iba. Tanga ko kasi e, kung naresalize ko lang sana `yun ng mas maaga, then, I won`t feel like this :c. Feeling like I just let go of the one special someone who I wanted to be with.

Because of this experience, I had so many regrets. I regretted being blind, as well as not telling him how I feel. Puno ng “what ifs” ang isip ko tuwing maiisip ko ito. What if I told him and he said he feels the same, what if he accepted my feelings, what if he left HER for ME…I know the last one is kind of evil but can you blame me? :c I just wanted his love too, wanted to experience it. I guess I suddenly sounded so miserable here, well, I AM MISERABLE. Miserable as hell.

But then again, I’m thankful that this happened I guess, at least I learned my lesson in love. It’s up to me not to go through this ever again.

But for now, all I’m wishing is to get over him completely so I can move on. :c

 


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